exhausted-and-lost

...is to be home. fair enough. there are so many on the other side for you. waiting for the moment you step off that flight and hold you in their arms. tell you they love you. that they've missed you. that they have so much to tell you that you've missed. and you will love it. and there's nothing i want more. but i'll miss you. you'd already decided that you'd leave so early. and i said i wanted you to leave - you'd have relief. finally a chance to talk in the voice that has been fighting to be free from those lips for so long. take your last breath here. wake up in the light, feel the warmth on your face and realise. you're home. i didnt

the horizon is closer than it first seems. this neverending future that seems to go on, repeating, renewing, relieving what we hope is not a lifetime of dread. there is always that light on the horizon. so we continue. we go on. and i'd have it no other way. over the past year that prospect has kept me going on. i know that i will see the future eventually, so i just lap up the moment as it comes. i was never good at thinking too far ahead. i work in weeks and days, i cant comprehend dates. they mean so litle, giving a title to a day in the life that has little to no significance in the greater. there is so little point in getting attatched.

i'm told that the english language is wonderful to speak. being very english, i think that i'm quite ignorant to this fact.. the centuries of stealing the best of words from every known language has merged to create one amazing, infinitely complex language, one so complex that even the rules that once bound its structure have been nearly forgotten. i feel ignorant to the supposed beauty of this language because of how i have spoken it since i was so small, and haven't known any different. its a prison. but can it be a prison if you never knew any different. knowing no different does cripple the soul. but can the thirst for knowledge flourish